The Everyday Work of Love
We talk a lot about self-care – the morning routines, gym schedules, sleep hygiene. But relationships need tending too, and most of us were never taught what that actually looks like in practice. Connection doesn’t sustain itself. Like any living thing, it needs consistent, intentional care – not just grand gestures on anniversaries, but small, reliable acts woven into daily life.
When Sex Goes Quiet: What It Means and What to Do
Most relationships that include sexual intimacy as an important part of the bond at the beginning, at some point over time, go through a period where sex falls away.
It might happen gradually…weeks become months, and suddenly it’s hard to remember the last time. It might follow a specific event: a new baby, a health crisis, a period of conflict, or simply the accumulating weight of a life that got too full and too fast. Whatever the path, the silence around physical intimacy can carry a weight that is difficult to name and even harder to talk about.
There are many reasons sex fades in relationships. Stress and exhaustion are among the most common, desire, and even willingness, requires a nervous system that feels safe and resourced, and chronic depletion is one of its quietest enemies.
Unresolved emotional distance is another significant driver. Research consistently shows that emotional connection and sexual desire are deeply intertwined for most people; when partners feel disconnected, misunderstood, or chronically hurt, the body often registers that before the mind does.
Hormonal changes, health concerns, medications, and life transitions such as menopause, postpartum recovery, illness, grief all affect desire, willingness, and responsiveness in ways that are biological as much as relational. And sometimes, sex fades simply because partners stop prioritizing it, not from lack of love, but from the quiet assumption that it will return on its own.
Relationships Operate on a Tape Delay
Relationships don’t always keep pace with life’s changes. When something big happens — a wedding, the birth of a child, a move to a new city, or even launching a child into college — each person in the relationship goes through their own process of adjustment. Emotions shift, roles evolve, and priorities get rearranged. But the relationship itself often takes longer to catch up.
Secrets In Relationships Are Like Black Mold
On the surface, black mold can be hard to spot. It might hide in the corners of a damp basement or under a layer of fresh paint. But given time, it spreads quietly, breaking down the structure beneath and releasing toxins into the air. Secrets in a relationship work the same way.
Inside COVID: A Glimpse Into Intimate Relationships during a Pandemic
I had an entirely different blog entry ready to go for March, but, alas, with a grinding shift of gears, we are now in a global pandemic. My practice moved entirely online (thank goodness I am able to do that) and my kids are in online classes (hopefully, because I am too busy working to stand over them).